14/09/2012
My first session with the Islington Carers. Ten people turned up, all women. My hosts are generous,
thoughtful and passionate. Paulo and his team have been incredibly open-minded and trusting of what I might
do with their building and work space, let alone the people they support.
Today I worked with the group to introduce ourselves to each other, with Florence employed to prepare the
lunch and take photos. There were images of caves and fire, tortoise shell armour, contented cats and cheeky
monkeys, a spine made of a concrete tower, feet made of mud, gazelle legs and ripe aubergines, tomatoes and
figs.
"I can never turn off my phone. That's impossible."
21/09/2012
Broken hearts and losing your marbles. Laughing, Screaming, Yawning. Talk of depression, and the word
PATIENT.
The black leather sofa came to represent guilt - "I don't deserve it" - and there was tension amongst the
group about the idea that there was a (literal and symbolic) 'way out'. If being a carer were to be
organised into a hierarchy of experience, at the top is 'satisfying', 'privileged', 'frustrating' and
'loving'. At the bottom, is 'staring into an empty cracked wall'.
"I'm always at the end of a piece of rope."
"I feel drenched in exhaustion."
28/09/2012
Just three of us today. Our shared thoughts were with mothers - their dying and what they leave behind. The
sofa became a place of memory and solace, where they/we lie.
"Her saying she wanted to die wasn't news anymore."
"Caring is a violent thing. What it does to you is violent."
"That's one of those desperate things you do when you're a carer."
03/10/2012
Some facts from the Carer's UK pamphlet:
Currently, 1 in 6 people are forced to give up work for caring.
25% of carers take 5 years or more to denitrify themselves as carers.
"I'll survive. That's what I do."
12/10/2012
A lively day with 1 minute performances using props and the space at ICC. We had a magician's sheet
repeatedly revealing nothing ("ta da!"), a chain of safety pins quietly put together (a carer's chain
mail?), a "juggling act with a broom up my arse", some plate smashing, and an incredibly touching and
impromptu rendition of George Gershwin's 'Our Love is Here to Stay'. Today I feel honoured to be working
with these people, who are so incredibly generous that I worry I might ask too much of them.
"We get knocked from pillar to post."
17/10/2012
Spent some time at ICC when just the staff are there. Talked with Debbie, Jill and Hilary, all of whom are
experiencing the difficulties of working in a resource that is likely to close next year. The strength of
ICC seems to me to be it's informality and it's ability to accommodate a broad range of social, political
and personal needs. ICC feels fluid, resilient, quirky and careful - much like the people I am meeting who
have had to learn to manage the changing demands in their lives.
18/10/2012
Hostings Artist Sharing session, led by myself and Christine. She and I met in an Archway cafe earlier that
week and tried to work out what we wanted from the sharing and how to go about planning it. It was really
useful to meet and talk and to have chance to step outside of the momentum.
19/10/2012
Twelve of us went to see the artist Lyndsay Seers installation in an old corrugated tin church in Kilburn,
thanks to complimentary tickets from Artangel. A dense, multi-layered autobiographical narrative, which
everyone found something in, not least the sense of event and richness of context.
"Caring can be an act of translation."
26/10/2012
A quiet, retrospective afternoon. The annual Carer's Rights Day is coming up and we talked about whether the
group wanted to use this as a platform to share work, communicate with other carers, challenge the system
etc. We created a top-tips list for carers and found ourselves writing on tissues. There are lots of boxes
of tissues lying around at ICC.
"I have to go to the moon and back before I can leave the house."
02/11/2012
"I care because" was the question today. It led to a discussion about Carer's ID cards - what happens to the
person you care for if you are in an accident? We drew, wrote and made a "fassoulia or fuck off" video. The
sponsored lunch from Budgens in Holloway Road was greatly enjoyed and appreciated.
We also stumbled across the word Senerchia, a small village in Italy where one of the group comes from that
translates to mean "bosom of Hercules". Perhaps this allusion to a Greek God known for his strength who had
to undertake twelve labours, may be useful?
"I can't let him drown."
6/11/2012
Popped in to ICC today to talk to the staff about the project and ideas for a public outcome. Had a good
poke around the building too; played with the blind-spots on the CCTV and even found an exit that two of the
staff hadn't known existed!
09/11/2012
No session today due to a prior engagement, (somewhat fittingly taking part in a research discussion to talk
about 'socially engaged practice).
15/11/2012
Our third Hostings artist sharing event, led by Daniella. A thoughtful evening where we were given the space
to think about problems, concerns, expectations and how to navigate and/or let them go.
16/11/2012
An impromptu dance by seven women to No More Tears (Enough is Enough) by Barbara Streisand at ICC this
afternoon! Dancing now seems to be on the agenda and we have all agreed we need to do more next week...Today
an aim was for us all to start thinking about how we might present the work - what might it look like and
how might an audience encounter it? ICC are fine for us to use the space for a public performance and there
are many ideas on the table - today felt really exciting, energised by people living with a serious lack of
sleep and emotional uncertainty, but never-the-less incredibly vibrant.
"I've got used to never having more than four hours sleep."
"I care because if I didn't no-one else would and everything would be left undone."
21/11/2012
Met with Jes Fernie today, the researcher who has been commissioned to follow the work of A Million Minutes
over the next two years. Really good to talk through the project, why I am working with carers and reflect
on what issues and ideas are emerging.
23/11/2012
One of the group had her birthday today so there was lots of homemade cake, a special gateau donated locally
by Stagnells Bakehouse and lunch kindly supplied by Yildiz Greengrocery. It feels like the shops of Archway
are looking after us.
We've been talking about broken crockery/broken dreams, using safety pins to 'pull yourself together' and
developing an Essential Playlist for Carers. Experimented with what a 'hidden carer' looks like, and
everyone tried performing 'I Will Survive' on helium. Not sure if we are going to be able to use this video
but it was hilarious making it!
"A carers life is never the same again."
28/11/2012
I swung by the monthly Relaxation Day at ICC today. It was incredibly well attended with about 40 people
there, doing a dance and exercise routine, getting a free massage and enjoying the lunch. Paulo invited me
to the ICC AGM and christmas party where there will be about 100 local carers having a knees-up, which
sounds fun!
29/11/2012
I spent the evening making a video that seems to have been hanging about in the back of my head for a long
time. It involved wearing my old care-work overalls and covering myself in talcum powder. Over and over
again. It became very hard to breathe.
30/11/2012
Carer's Rights Day at the Resource Centre on the Holloway Road. This is a Carers UK event with service
provider stall holders, workshops and talks all aimed at carers in the borough. I set up the "I care
because" project which we devised a few weeks ago - asking people to complete the sentence on a postcard.
The activity was well received and over 40 people took part, many using the opportunity to talk about their
role as a carer and how their life took that direction. An interesting day.
"I am eighty and I just want to know who will look after my son, who has schizophrenia, when I'm gone?"
07/12/2012
I almost cried when I got to ICC today - the builders were in, AGAIN, drilling loudly, replacing the doors,
a full force gale of freezing air gushing in. We decided to muddle on. There was a lot to do today as it's
the last time we can meet as a group before christmas. We looked at the talcum video (you look lost), the
helium video, and reviewed the postcards made last week. Then we tried out the idea of smashing crockery and
piecing it back together. Three carers couldn't bear to break anything and wanted to only to do the
construction bit. Others loved the smashing. We talked about production lines and the sense of being on a
conveyor belt of need and demand. The noise was amazing as a soundtrack to the men's drilling all
afternoon.
I am really frustrated by the xmas break and how much we will need to do in a quick turn-around after the
break. Everyone is nervous about 'going public' and I am concerned that everyone needs time to feel
comfortable with sharing the work.
"I care because you hurt"
12/12/2012
The last Hostings artists meeting. Good to hear where everyone has got to, and to sense how it will look as
a body of work in January 2013. There was a lot that didn't get talked about though, and I left feeling
frustrated at the lack of space and time for us all to look at the research more critically, and in more
depth.
The title of the work I am making with the ICC carers is now confirmed: Care Full
14/12/2012
Today was the ICC AGM and xmas party. About 100 carers attended the free event - including a full roast
meal, live music, dancing, and a magician who came round to the tables, held at the Irish Centre in Camden.
This event is funded every year by a generous private donor and was a remarkable gathering of people all
united in their roles looking after other people. Paulo, the ICC CEO, had invited Florence and I, which was
really kind. I also got roped in to co-hosting the raffle!
11/01/2013
It was great to see everyone today, and to focus on the next few weeks. I need to be careful (no pun
intended) to not run away with myself at this stage of the process, as everyone needs to find their own
rhythm within the work. A few of the group are having a tough time with the person they care for, or their
own health problems. We had lunch together, and talked through the plans for Wednesday 23rd January. Some
great reflections and observations, and an emotional conversation about what the broken crockery means to
everyone, and how each person understands it differently, in terms of their own sense of loss, purpose or
inevitability. The staff at ICC are all being brilliant, not least because of the increased insecurity they
are experiencing with the very likely closure of ICC some time this year. Some of them will be present
during Care Full, getting on with their work within the maelstrom of breaking plates and renditions of I
Will Survive, which will make a curious tension. We have begun to make bunting from safety pins...
12/01/2013
Care Full can be experienced on Wednesday 23rd January 2013. To book a place, please call 020 7514 2366 to
be allocated a time, and find out where to meet.
The event will test out some of the ideas that have emerged from the past three months research, including
both live and recorded material.
"My life is ruled by alarms now, I haven't realised this until just now. I'm on tenterhooks most of the
time, especially at night."
18/01/2013
A wonderful day, albeit very cold and snowy! Four carers managed to make their way in to ICC and we got down
to the business of getting things ready for next week's performance. Most significantly, at 3pm Anna and
Tilly, from AIR, came to see us as a 'test audience' which was really useful as it gave us all a chance to
sense of how to occupy the work and get some feedback from 'outsiders'. I felt incredibly proud of everyone
involved and excited by what we can achieve next week.
23/01/2013
All the volunteers, production and support team gathered together today to help us put on an event that I
have yet to fully digest or be able to describe. On my way in on the train I quickly texted various carers
to remind them that today was the day, just in case anyone had their wires crossed, but thankfully everyone
turned up, and we even had a few extras! We walked through the details of the day, ate lunch together,
changed into 'carer costumes' and suddenly everything was up and running with an audience making their way
in via an alleyway to the back entrance of ICC. As I stepped back and out of the picture, I was amazed to
see how each carer found her place in the work and was able to stay focussed for a full three hours as each
person performed different portraits of themselves.
24/01/2013
Care Full: Four videos, nine carers, thousands of safety-pins, a cacophony of crashing crockery,
secret songs, a bit of juggling and swearing, quite a few tears and a score of tissue text. Here are some
photos from the live event, though none of them do the atmosphere any justice. And here's some of the
feedback written by people as they left:
"What I loved was that it all felt very normal; that crazy normal when you are stretched and
stretched."
"Didn't care. Was made to care."
"The glimpses of aspects of the lived lives of the carers is a privilege"
"Very funny at times, and incredibly sad too."
"This feels very lonely. Beautiful expressions of caring. I care about these carers."
CREDITS
Carer participant performers: Angela F, Wanda M, Nutan K, Lindy B, Teresa T, Colleen O, Sheila S, Bernadette
F
Carer participants: Hayley H, Jasmine T, Sheila C, Odile O, Mary Rae R, Grace H, Tatyana
Project Assistant: Florence Dent
Video editor and camera: Karl Cresser
Care Full assistants: Liz Sargeant, Rachel Anderson, Mette Kjaergaard Praest
ICC Hosts: Paulo Mata, Jill Keegan, Hilary Ayling, Debbie Puckerin, Shingi
Thank you to Diana's Cafe, Budgens, Yildiz, Germander Speedwell, Second Chance Charity Shop, Christine
Entwisle, Thomas Brothers and Gavin Williams at Carers UK
